January So Far...

This is what has happened in January so far...

JANUARY 5th:  I started off by going to my family doctor just for my routine yearly exam and pretty much broke down to her (well I should say sobbed like a baby) about my life and everything that is wrong with me.  I told her all of the stuff that I felt I hadn't been able to share with any other medical doctor before.  All or nothing right??  So she hooked me up with a brand new gynecologist and suggested that I see a therapist which I have never done in my life!!  She also mentioned gastric bypass surgery, which scares me half to death, but I told her I would think about it and talk to the therapist about it as well.  She started me on some new medications for my tummy which are working wonderfully and got some other *PERSONAL* issues cleared up for me and sent me out with an order for blood work and a referral to the therapist.

JANUARY 9th:  I got an appointment with the therapist already!  I couldn't believe it.  She wants to know about me.  I tell her all about my school and how I was pretty focused on academics except for when it came to boys.  I tell her about my personal relationships with the boys and some of the not so great things too... whole other therapy session.  I tell her my medical history and that most of my family (except for my very healthy 82 year old grandfather) is on the heavy side.  After telling her all of my other issues she makes me feel a little bit better about my weight by telling me its a physiological issue for me, not just purely psychological.  My body has a problem with its metabolism and the way I break down insulin causing me to have a very hard time losing weight.  She says to me, "I could go down to McDonalds and order a happy meal and eat half of it and I would be full.  You on the other hand would probably be able to eat the whole value meal and still not feel satisfied and it's all in the way your body is made up."  I couldn't believe that someone was telling me for once that it might not be all my fault that I have gotten as heavy as I have.  She helps me to devise an eating plan and tells me the importance of eating throughout the day to speed up my metabolism.  I like this idea and decide to try it in my daily life.  She also thinks I am the perfect candidate for gastric bypass surgery and if I want to have kids (which I think I do) she says I should get it done soon so I could heal.  She tells me to check into my insurance and come back and see her in two weeks.  This is an example of the eating plan that I have been following incase you are interested:

Breakfast 7AM:
1 Bowl of Cereal
1 Cup of Coffee

Snack 10AM:
1 Banana or
1 Apple or
1 serving of lowfat yogurt

Lunch 1PM:
1 half of any type of footlong sub from Subway - any kind, any toppings

Snack 4PM:
The other half of the sub from earlier

Dinner 7PM:
1 Chicken Breast and brocoli or green beans

Snack 10PM:
1 Clementine or
4 Oreo Cookies

JANUARY 15th:   Today I went to see the gynecologist and made a very adult decision.  It is not time for me to have a baby.  It is time for me to get healthy first.  Since I haven't had my period in four months she tells me about the dangers of endometrial cancer and also discusses some of the side effects of my polycystic ovarian syndrome which will make it hard for me to get pregnant anyways.  She tells me that being overweight can put not only me at risk during a pregnancy but also the baby and several things could potentially go wrong at my weight currently.  So I decide to go back on birth control for now to regulate my hormones and periods that are all out of whack and then she also puts me on glucophage - 1500 mg a day - to help with the insulin resistance and to prevent me from becoming diabetic.  I am feeling good that I made that decision for now and I'm also feeling good to know what is going on with my body. 

JANUARY 23rd:  I am back in to see my therapist and I tell her that the eating plan is working great for me.  Now it is time to talk about the anxiety that I am facing day in and out.  I tell her that I just cannot shut off the worries in my mind, they are there constantly and I wish I could just turn it off.  I also tell her that my insurance won't cover the bariatric surgery - bummer - but I feel like if I could get my self confidence up and little more energy I could do this on my own with good old fashioned exercise and eating better.  She wants to help me with this and so first off she suggests that I get on a different medication for my anxiety because the 40mg of Celexa that I am taking currently is not helping me much at all.  Then she says that Chad and I need to prepare less food at night for dinner and take all of the temptations (sweets for me and salties for Chad) out of the house and stick with my eating plan.  I also need to try to incorporate some exercise as well and we talk about going to Curves again or even taking my dogs for a walk - who could benefit from this too.  Finally she touches a little bit on my self esteem issues and she dares me to try a different image with my clothes.  To not cover myself up so much and wear things that are way too big for me.  She asks me a great question that really made me think: "How would your life be different if you lost 100 pounds?"  My answer, it probably wouldn't.  I would still feel just as crappy about myself as I do now.  I realize that I am my own worst enemy and I need to work on it.  The final thing she challenges me to do is to act like I weight 150 pounds for a day and try to monitor how I behave and how others around me behave... sounds like I have my work cut out for me!!

JANUARY 26th:  Finally got back in to see my family doctor after all of this and I received some fantastic news... I LOST 6 POUNDS SINCE THE 5TH!!!!!  I haven't even really done anything terribly different and I am amazed and know that I need to keep up with the eating plan.  I find out that I also have a severe Vitamin D deficiency which is why I have been so super tired and sore all the time.  The average level is supposed to be between 60 and 70 and mine is at 10.  So she has me on some Vitamin D and I will probably have to be on it for the rest of my life.  She also talks to me about my blood pressure which is borderline high and so I also have to take some medication for that - dyazide.  Finally, she puts me on a different anti-anxiety drug: Prozac.  I am supposed to go back and see her in four weeks and we will see what has happened from there.  I like this monthly monitoring of my health and I can see good things in my future.  They are going to call me to schedule a sleep study too so maybe I can finally get a good night's rest. 

I am so happy with the progress I have made in January!!  My next step is to incorporate exercise so I can feel like I can wear some of those more revealing younger clothes in my closet.  Then maybe I can also have that smile on my face like in the picture up above.  I love my family and my life for the most part and I need to be around to see it for at least another fifty years or so!!

Welcome to 2010

I'm really not sure what happened to me this year or what caused me to want to change all of a sudden, but now it seems as if there's no turning back.  I have posted a picture of myself on top of my blog to signify how I believe I looked when I was healthier and happy.  I will be 29 this year... almost 30 and it scares me that I have not taken care of myself and I am not in the prime of my life like most twenty somethings should be.  So now is the time to make these changes and my goal is to be healthier and happier by my 30th birthday.  Realistic goals, realistic expectations, and baby steps.  That is my motto for this year.  Let me start you off with the basics on me.  I am 28 and 10 months currently.  I am 5'8" and weigh A LOT!!  More than most people think I do.  My blood pressure is high; I am pre-diabetic; I have polycystic ovarian syndrome; I have a huge vitamin D deficiency; I have irritable bowel syndrome; I have troubles sleeping and snore like a crazy animal; and I have severe anxiety and self esteem issues.  However, I believe I can get better.  Almost like the twelve step program, I have to admit that I have some issues and then work on ways to solve them.  I have three professionals that are helping me in this journey to a healthier me: my family doctor, my gynecologist, and my therapist.  These are the three women that I will be seeing on a regular basis to get me through this and of course I will be relying on my relationship with God and my family as well.  So let's get this journey started!!